So much to do . . . so little time! Taking kids to school, nursing a baby every 3 hours, homework to finish, baseball/soccer/tennis/ballet/music practice, planning dinner, studying for tests, paying bills, paying tuition, washing laundry, picking up dry-cleaning, planning for work meetings and budgets, handling a difficult teens, caring for a sick parent, battling marital or financial stress, feeling unappreciated, . . . and it’s only Monday! Is there any time when parents don’t feel rather overwhelmed?
Whether our chaos is external or internal, there are two basic types of responses to feeling overwhelmed – anxiety and anger. ANXIETY is when we get upset about what may happen (future). ANGER is getting upset at what did or didn’t happen (past).
For our fears and anxiety, we need to trust in knowing that God is loving and ultimately in control. Excessive fear can immobilize mom and dad. Excessive fear can also handicap a child. At the same time, there are healthy fears that help us recognize potential danger, prepare for emergencies, protect our children, allow children to experience life, and teach children to discern what is safe and unsafe. Some tips to handle our fear in a healthy way include:
- Dedicating your children to the Lord (both formally and daily)
- Being a responsible parent by managing what already belongs to the Lord – be aware of each child’s uniqueness and teaching them about safety and health
- Praying for your hopes (not fears) for your children and praying your releasing prayers
- Gradually release them to responsibility with manageable tasks and risks
For our anger, we need to trust in knowing that God will bring about justice in his time and in his way. Our anger is typically a reaction (hurt, frustration, fear, unmet expectation) to what happened in the past. The anger itself is not a sin, but how we handle our anger can be a sin. Anger is controllable, but realize that an anger habit bypasses your reasoning powers in the moment. It can be contagious, and when uncontrolled it is costly. So how can we be learn to be more patient and curb our anger?
- Figure out what sets you off. What precipitates my angry outburst is when my child: whines / doesn’t listen / talks back / makes a big mess / is unkind to a sibling . . .
- Learn the warning signs. What happens before you lose it?
- PLAN your rules and consequences
- Follow-through every time so it does not build up
- Lighten your schedule
- Work on one issue at a time
- Take short breaks from your kids
- Be honest about your failures
- Keep a long term perspective
To counter our anxiety and anger, the Lord provides us PEACE and PATIENCE. God cares, and He is in control!