We want our children to become skillful communicators, but what does that look like? Some quick dictionary definitions for communication include:
- the successful conveying and sharing of ideas and feelings
- the exchange of information and the expression of feeling that can result in understanding
Jesus gave us a great model of communication in Matthew 26:
Then Jesus went with his disciples to a place called Gethsemane, and he said to them, “Sit here while I go over there and pray.” He took Peter and the two sons of Zebedee along with him, and he began to be sorrowful and troubled. Then he said to them, “My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death. Stay here and keep watch with me.“
Matthew 26:36-38 [NIV]
Here in Gethsemane, Jesus communicated to His disciples his feelings and his specific needs and expectations. As we communicate with our spouse & children, and they with us, it is important to know how to ask for help in a considerate and cooperative way. Some key points to consider BEFORE an action is requested:
- Express expectations (This is where the teaching and training come in)
- Express feelings/needs (I’m overwhelmed! I need help with . . . )
- Be specific
Sometimes we get tripped up in our communication by not being specific enough.
Between couples –
- Non-Specific: I need to be a priority.
- Specific: Let’s go out for a date night once a month.
For children –
- Non-Specific: Your room is a mess!
- Specific: Put all your toys in the bins and your dirty clothes in the hamper.
It takes practice as the speaker and listener to be effective. We will fail on both ends. However, here are a few tips to keep in mind as we continue to train and mold our character:
- Focus on the undone action (unmet expectation)
- Ask questions (What were you asked to do?)
- Do not slam character
- Restate the request to their advantage (If you help fold the laundry, we have time to watch that movie.)
- Encourage their spirit (You are going to get through this. I know you want to do what is right, and it is hard.)
- Express encouraging words
- Understand their humanity
As long as it is still doable, it is okay to ask again!