An essential part of our human nature is the need to belong. You may have already noticed that you and your kids gravitate toward relationships where you get connection, closeness, acceptance, and approval.
God designed us to start in relationship and continue with relationships. At birth, this need is first met by parents. We began in relationship because we were connected in the womb. Later, we bonded with siblings. Finally, peers.
Relationships need intention and attention. Parents intentionally plant seeds of love through hugs, conversation, affirming words, acts of service, gifts, and spending time together. However, there are also some unwanted seeds (AKA weeds) that get planted over time: fear, anger, harsh words, insecurities, jealousy, abandonment, guilt, neglect, mistrust.
God does not want us to ignore the wrongs that happen in our home. He wants us to talk about them and encourage each other. We come with good seeds from our upbringing, but the weeds compete with growth. How do we address the unwanted weeds in our relationships?
WHAT NEEDS UPROOTING?
Our Master Gardener gives us encouraging words for the relationships in our home garden:
Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.
1 Peter 4:8 [NIV]
Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.
1 Thessalonians 5:11 [NIV]
A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another.
John 13:34 [NIV]
There are 3 C-words that will help with communication:
CONFRONT
CONFESS
CONCLUSION
Confront is the concept of dealing with THEIR issues. A lot of the time, this word has a negative connotation in our relationships because we do it so badly! In most confrontational discussions, one feels like a finger is pointed at him, instead of standing together with him. CON- means with. So when speaking with a spouse or child, approach it from the perspective, “I am WITH you! Now because I am in FRONT of you, I see things that I am going to reflect back to you. I am with you. I care about you – enough to take the risk of a confrontation to address some of the behaviors I see.” A mirror reflects back, it doesn’t condemn. Confronting in relationships is dealing with the things that we can see.
Confess is the concept of dealing with YOUR own issues and owning your actions WITH-SPEAKING (con-fess). After confronting your child with an issue, the hope is that he will confess, “I am sorry I did that.” On the flip-side, are you safe to confess to? When we listen, don’t jump to defensiveness. Instead, try, “I’m so glad you told me,” or, “What makes you think that?” If we feel the freedom in our family to confront and confess, our relationships will be much better.
Conclusion is WITH-CLOSURE. Don’t continue to bring up the past. Our failures do not have to continue to be a part of the conversation when there is a new choosable future. Do note that consequences are separate from conclusion. The focus for conclusion is to not continually harp on all the past failures.
MAKING IT PRACTICAL
Do your relationships stress you out? Maybe it is because they are out of order. Think about the relationships in your life and prioritize them.
What family relationship is stressful for your right now? Identify the main problem if you can. Think about your contribution to the issue . . . even if it is only 2%.
Are you dealing with loneliness? Who can you reach out to? Put a night out on your calendar and pray for a special relationship/friendship that will nourish your soul.
Continue to plant seeds that encourage healthy communication. Be a relationship sower and nourish your relationships!
Read more on relationships or find all of our current series, Seeds Now-Harvest Later
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