Teen – it is a small number, but so complex! When our children hit their teenage years, it is natural for them to want to make their own decisions and think for himself while rejecting the opinions of mom and dad. They possess a natural curiosity and belief in invincibility which makes them passionate about ideas and courageous risk-takers. On the flip-side, it can make parents experience some emotional whiplash on the parenting journey as teens bounce from needing you and wanting to be independent. This is why our teens still need parents to be their leaders and speak to their good heart.
Trust God from the bottom of your heart;
Proverbs 3:5-6 [MSG]
don’t try to figure out everything on your own.
Listen for God’s voice in everything you do, everywhere you go;
he’s the one who will keep you on track.
Show me your ways, Lord,
Psalm 25:4-5 [NIV]
teach me your paths.
Guide me in your truth and teach me,
for you are God my Savior,
and my hope is in you all day long.
Trust and hope go hand in hand. We need to trust in God’s guidance (for ourselves and for our teen) and speak hope into our teen’s future. As we release our teens to responsibility, we can encounter roadblocks of entitlement, dating THAT boy/girl, abuse of freedoms, forgetting responsibilities, misuse of technology . . . BUT we have some detours that can help you navigate your path.
- Give freedoms as they take on responsibilities (more responsible, more freedom!).
- Have your child contribute to the family (i.e. chores, driving siblings/grandparents, running errands, etc.).
- Help your teen with a plan and goal that *they own*. Owning it doesn’t mean they will love it, but it gives a direction to aim towards.
- Ask open-ended questions.
- Listen more than you talk “at” your teen. Chances are they have already tuned you out!
- Dating: set guidelines in advance, be clear on time-in, meet the date in advance. Look for maturity when beginning to date, rather than setting an arbitrary age when it will be “allowed”. Spend time with the boyfriend/girlfriend so you can ask the right questions.
- Technology: interact with people who are present, consider an electronic curfew. Be an example of managing technology instead of letting technology manage you.
Speak to your teen and the heart of his good character as you look for the areas that your child does well. When they feel known and valued, praise and correction can take a deeper root into their soul. Each child is unique, as well as his response to various personal challenges. If we can learn to listen, set boundaries, allow for failures, and be willing to flex, we can make the parenting journey a little easier. By keeping a God-focus, when we lose-it as parents, we can be confident that we never lose our heavenly Father. Releasing can be messy, but independent adulthood is WORTH IT!