On our 2020 Christmas card, instead of writing the traditional, “Happy New Year,” Marv wrote, “Looking forward to a HAPPIER New Year!” Somehow that seemed more appropriate for 2021. We want something better for the new year. 2020 brought me through a slew of emotions. I was anxious, vulnerable, sad, angry, weary, frustrated. Sprinkled inbetween were some highs: excitement to return to our Canadian home in the summer, seeing our children and grandchildren, spending more time with Marv, gratitude for my family. My emotions went up and down. I could feel MAD – SAD – BAD – GLAD — all of it, in the span of an hour.
As we have said before, it is important compartmentalize these emotions a bit, and let each one be dealt with differently. I’m sad about COVID that I get impatient with my kids (mad) at them and yell (bad), when all I really want to do is hug them (glad). Separating them allows us to address what makes creates anxiety and keep our “emotional tank” healthy.
When we are feeling stressed, we tend to respond with anxiety or anger.
- Anxiety – getting upset about what MAY happen
- Anger – getting upset about what DID/DIDN’T happen
The fear of what might happen creates an inner turmoil over things that we cannot control. One of the best interruptions to anxiety is gratitude.
RESOURCE
God, you are such a safe and powerful place to find refuge!
Psalm 46:1 [The Passion Translation]
You are a proven help in time of trouble
more than enough and always available whenever I need you.
Psalm 46 is such a resource as it reminds me that God is loving and ultimately in control. He is more than enough and always available in the middle of my disappointments and in the middle of my fears. God is a proven help when I am MAD – SAD – BAD – GLAD.
God is more than enough. Do I live like I believe it? Help me God . . . to show sensitivity. Help me God . . . to keep my cool. Help me God . . . to be loving. Help me God . . . as I show vulnerability.
REFRESH
Anxiety is anticipating what could go wrong in the future. How futile it is to stay there! It is commonly known that when we stay with our fear, we experience FIGHT or FLIGHT. Marv is wise to include that an additional response is to FREEZE. (Through his experience in counseling, Marv finds this is especially thru for those who have experienced trauma.)
Healthy fears realize danger and mobilize you to appropriate actions (to prepare or possibly prevent). Parents want to protect what is precious to them and are conscious of safety. We should teach our children what is unsafe while allowing them to experience life.
Excessive fears can immobilize a parent or handicap a child. Excessive fears create anxiety and destroy hope. How we handle our fears will go into the subconscious of our children.
RE-DO
Tips to handle fears in a healthy way:
- Dedicate your children to the Lord. God is a safe and powerful place to find refuge [Psalm 46]. Dedicate them formally with your church or favorite pastor, and dedicate your children daily under the covering of the Lord.
- Be a responsible parent. Manage what already belongs to the Lord while being aware of each child’s unique creation while teaching them about safety/health.
- Pray for your children. Pray your hopes, not your fears (the worst possible scenario). Pray your wishes and wants, instead of your worries.
- Gradually release to responsibility by giving your child progressive tasks to accomplish and manage. Notice the good and speak to it! Keep observing and coaching while remembering that your teen and young adult will learn from their own mistakes. One of the hardest things in parenting while doing school from home is seeing all of our children’s inadequacies 24/7 and wanting to correct it. Notice the GOOD, too, and speak into it! Let our words bring life into our children’s souls.
Releasing our children to God is moment by moment, understanding that only God can ultimately care for them. We can trade our anxiety for peace – peace because He cares and peace because He is in control.