I do love to plan. I think I inherited that from my father. I have graph paper in my planner, and I am always drawing plans for how a room could look, or I am creating plans for the future. I love pads of paper and making lists.
When we first got married, Marv was a bit scared of all my plans, thinking I was going to do every thing written in my notebook. Over the years, Marv got used to the fact that my plans on paper were just plans. He learned that I enjoyed the process of dreaming, whether the plans became reality or not. Writing plans in my notebook was my therapy, and it allowed me to process everything I had been thinking about.
Our next theme in The Parent Adventure is Planning The Adventure. It is not just for those who like to plan; it’s for everyone! For those of us who love to plan, we need to learn to be flexible. Planners need flexibility. For those of you who are more spontaneous, my hope is that you will be inspired by one thing that will help you feel better prepared as you parent.
Marv and I have taught premarital classes for many years. An observation that both of us made is that the brides who are the most planned actually enjoy their wedding day the most. Other brides say, “I just want to be relaxed,” and they are relaxed during the whole engagement time, but they end up have a very stressed wedding because they are not ready to handle the emergencies of the day.
The parenting adventure moves quickly, so it is important to plan what you can. Personally, I find when I plan well, I handle emergencies better. Life will throw many curves into your plans, and then you will have to readjust and move forward. There are so many unplanned moments that happen in a family – unexpected health emergencies, broken plumbing, being called by the Principal, moving to a new city, your child threatening to run away, evacuating your home, flights cancelled, sickness diagnosed – you have to constantly be flexible and change . . . and be ready to go on a detour. This is not easy! Planning a trip is much easier than adjusting to the emotional, physical, and spiritual detours I was forced to take with our girls. Planning helps give margin to our lives – so we don’t spin completely out of control in the midst of crisis.
Let’s plan the things that we have control over so that we can adjust more easily to the unexpected things that come up. With a PLAN and a PURPOSE, we can NAVIGATE!
TRAVEL GUIDE
Going back to our theme verse, it is a good reminder to look at our parent adventure from a satellite view. God gives us the ultimate travel guide on our parenting journey.
Trust in the Lord with all your heart
Proverbs 3:5-6 [NIV]
and lean not on your own understanding;
in all your ways [of your adventure] submit to him,
and he will make your paths straight.
Free navigation: We get that on our phones, AND we get that from our God! His GPS (God-Positioning-System) directs us when parenting gets overwhelming. We need to reposition ourselves and get wisdom from our Creator as He says, “This is your next step, and I am with you.”
In their hearts humans plan their course,
Proverbs 16:9 [NIV]
but the Lord establishes their steps.
In this journey, God is there to help lead and direct. He wants us to make our moves (plan our lives), but it is a team effort with the Lord guiding us as we ask Him for direction.
The parenting path is long and twisted, but God trusts us to plan tomorrow, and we trust Him to live today. Plan for tomorrow night, then wake up and ask, “What’s up for today?”
MAKING THE PLAN
Make some space on the calendar for scheduling in family planning sessions or management meetings with your spouse is one of the first steps to journey together. You can discuss weekly/monthly commitments, goals, financial planning, holidays, vacations, birthdays. Talking it through together helps to understand expectations and address realities. What looks like it will work on the calendar may actually be unrealistic. Be honest about your issues. Each season brings on a new set of challenges – work responsibilities, evening meetings, extra practices, academic workload, part-time job, aging parent. We are often running around trying to do our best meeting the needs of the family that there is nothing left but emotional crumbs for our loved ones. In a culture of not-enough and hurry-up, give yourself permission to take your time.
As our children get older, help them with their plans. Here are some of our brainstorm ideas:
- Planning out their daily/weekly schedule
- Spend-Save-Give strategies with money
- Managing technology
- Driving
- College applications
The world is run by organized people, and we empower our children with independence when they learn how to organize their own loves.
Imagine 10 years from now. How do you want others to describe your child’s character? From now until then, you have the opportunity to mold character and “open files” on anything (faith, character, academics, sports, arts, . . . ) that is important to you in your plan for your child’s future.
I want a polite child. (Work on what it means to respect others.)
I want a thankful child. (Work on expressing gratitude at home.)
I want a child with good manners. (Practice manners meals at home.)
Where are you currently heading with your son or daughter? What’s an area of investment you can make in this parenting journey?