We live in an age of the quick and now. Don’t know the answer to something? Ask Siri or Alexa. With a simple voice-command or a quick tap on our smartphone, we can have conveniences delivered to our front door in 2 days. Our children see that just about anything can be ordered or answered in an instant, so it is with intentionality that we need to teach patience in an age of impatience.
Want to learn piano? It takes time and practice before mastering a song.
Want to perfect your swing? Drills on the court.
Want to learn to dance? Repetition in the studio.
Want to get an A on the math test? Practice those math problems over and over.
Patience is . . .
- The ability to endure difficult situations graciously.
- The choice to stay with the process that will result in strength and endurance.
- Putting up with provocation without responding in anger.
- Avoiding hasty decisions.
- An ability to wait without getting upset.
Patience is not “putting up with” – it is hanging in there while you are going through it.
Training A Child Of Character In A Crazy World
When we work with our children, it is important to see every issue and hard time as an opportunity for growth. In terms of patience, teach children to first think, then do! Sometimes you will need to crisis your children to growth by making them wait. Learning starts off with taking turns, waiting in line, saving up for a toy, earning time to play a video game, anticipating a sleepover, waiting to drive. Patience has value so insist that your child follows through on her commitments.
There are three situations that help develop patience: hard times, hard tasks, hard people. As parents, we often prevent our kids from learning patience because WE want to speed things up. We inadvertently snow-plow the road ahead for them instead of letting them learn to struggle through it because we need to get it done NOW.
We are training for patience and perseverance. So when you are stressed, practice saying, “Take your time!” Is it too painful to stand by and watch? Try, “Go ahead and finish that up. I will be in the kitchen when you are done.”
Passionate With Patience
But the fruit produced by the Holy Spirit within you is divine love in all its varied expressions: joy that overflows, peace that subdues, patience that endures, kindness in action, a life full of virtue, faith that prevails, gentleness of heart, and strength of spirit.
Galatians 5:22-23 [The Passion Translation]
You, however, know all about my teaching, my way of life, my purpose, faith, patience, love, endurance, persecutions, sufferings – what kinds of things happened to me . . . Yet the Lord rescued me from all of them. In fact, everyone who wants to live a godly life in Christ Jesus will be persecuted . . . but as for you, continue in what you have learned . . .
2 Timothy 3:10-14 [NIV]
Personal Patience. Work on patience by studying Scripture and drawing encouragement from those whose faith has become deeply rooted from their trials. It takes time to replace an old habit with a new one, so be patient and forgiving of yourself. Recognize your flashpoints (hard times, hard tasks, hard people) so that you don’t play the blame game when you lose your temper. If you are a “reactor” and feel the mercury rising in your body, try this:
- Exhale. Say, “I’ll be right back.”
- Leave the room. Give yourself a time-out and breathe.
- Think . . . then DO!
What happens right before you lose it? What plan of action can you take to give yourself a moment before reacting?
Partner Patience. We tend to be the most impatient with the ones closest to us. With your partner, watch your tone and speak to the issues that can be changed. One of Marv’s favorite things to tell couples is, “Where I am different from Christ, I invite you to speak to me. Where you are different from me, might be by God’s design!”
Ask your spouse: What behavior pattern or habit is annoying to you?
Parenting Patience. Some practical tools to help teach patience at home is first to plan commands and consequences in advance. When you have a plan, you are less likely to be reactive in the heated moment. Explain the rules to your child when you aren’t angry, and follow through with the consequences. Purposeful time-outs for you and your child can be helpful in giving each other a little space. Help younger kids with their frustration by giving them ways to “let off steam” by doing physical activities or something they enjoy. We’ve always told our girls, “You can get angry, but when you do, don’t hurt yourself, don’t hurt others, and don’t destroy things.”
- For Littles: Read books about patience and tell stories about patience (or lack of it.)
- For Middles: Read classics, one chapter at a time. Teach your child what they can do when they have a hot temper.
- For Middles & Olders: Encourage long-term projects that take weeks or months to complete. Put a child in charge of researching plans for your next vacation or trip. Encourage your children as they continue their academics, arts, and athletics. Most importantly, ask your child to pray for you when you are struggling with patience!
Patience is about keeping a hopeful attitude while waiting. While your children are growing, tell them of the HOPE you see in them!