Parenting is a daily challenge. There are no sick days when mom/dad have a cold. You never really have a “day-off” from the job. And as our children grow and change, we have to learn to handle the challenges with openness and firmness. Some of us are facing very trying issues: miscarriage, depression, divorce, death, autism, dyslexia, rebellion, lawsuits, job loss, finances, cancer . . . It can be completely overwhelming. But there is HOPE. God’s love does not keep us from trials, but He sees us through them.
Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.
James 1:2-4 [NIV]
Our parenting travels can take us through some dark valleys, but if you ever notice the valleys, you will see that green grass grows. As we lean on the Lord through our valleys, we can find that he sustains us as we walk through it.
What are some of the roadblocks on the parenting adventure trail? Are there any detours we can use to carve a new path?
ROADBLOCK: Sleep Deprivation
Detour: Naps! It’s a simple concept, but the execution can be a challenge. “Sleep when baby sleeps,” sounds easy, but how do you nap when you have other children running around, dinner to cook, laundry to fold, carpool to drive . . . ? Mother’s helpers can be a great resource, even if it is for a couple hours a week. Or, when you need to have a little “movie” afternoon for some quiet time, there is nothing wrong with mom (or dad) sitting on the couch with Susie and taking a little 60-minute snooze while she watches Frozen for the 100th time.
Detour: Refocus on the blessings. Instead of grumbling about how tired you are, change your mindset on the blessing of having a little one.
ROADBLOCK: Personal Issues
(physically drained, depression, self-doubt, infertility, career shift . . .)
Detour: Throw out perfection. It is unrealistic to expect perfection – from yourself, your spouse, your child. Do the best you can each day. Forgive yourself and move on.
Detour: Focus on character. Realize that character improvements will make more of an impact on your family than body changes. Focus on what matters while you take care of yourself.
Detour: Challenge your mind. Keep a piece of your career in your life or use your skills in a new creative way. Be a lifelong learner.
ROADBLOCK: Child with Special Needs
(strong-willed, autism, ADHD, learning/physical disabilities, mental health issues, down syndrome, premature…)
Detour: Become proactive. Talk to others and learn from their experience or expertise. Research for yourself. Recognize that your child may qualify for special education services and develop a plan.
Detour: Stay hopeful. Your child needs your encouragement and hope for becoming the best that he can.
Detour: Discuss the issues. Discuss the nature of the problem with your child and let him know you are going to do all you can to help. Discuss the issues with your family, making it a team effort.
ROADBLOCK: Relationship Challenges
(marriage, personality clashes, friendships, extended family)
Detour: If your extended family is a blessing . . . be grateful, call upon their help. Be gracious to one another and do not micromanage your parents when they babysit (your children will survive!).
Detour: If your extended family is a problem . . . take responsibility for your part. Focus on your own spouse and children, and adjust your time with family appropriately.
ROADBLOCK: Dealing with Loss
(divorce, death, dreams)
Detour: Healing takes time. Allow yourself to rest and grieve. Try to focus on the positive (the family you have) as you grieve the one you lost, and take your cares to God.
There is always HOPE and HELP when you are walking through the valleys. The best way to encourage others may be just to be near one another. God may lead us into the troubled waters to deepen our trust in Him.
Some words of hope:
In your unfailing love you will lead
Exodus 15:13 [NIV]
the people you have redeemed.
In your strength you will guide them
to your holy dwelling.
The Lord is close to the brokenhearted
Psalm 34:18 [NIV]
and saves those who are crushed in spirit.
“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.“
John 16:33 [NIV]