Whenever we have an argument, my partner threatens leaving.  Later when we make up, she says she didn’t mean it.  I am still hurt by her comments.
Words that threaten the relationship penetrate deep into the soul of the one hearing those words.  She may be sorry later that she “pulled the trigger,†but you are left with a deep wound and doubts.  Perhaps your partner is one who processes verbally, spouts off freely, and regrets it later.  She needs to learn self-control to not say everything that pops into her head, and you need to learn to not store her verbage in your soul. Because of your different personality types, you may think through every word you say and presume that your spouse is equally as thoughtful.   The strength of her personality type is that you never have to wonder what she is thinking.  The weakness is that she says more than she means – so don’t take every word she says as seriously as the words you would say, which are highly processed.
How do you avoid going to bed angry?
Stay up late! Â Be willing to verbalize your hurts. Â If one of you is too tired to work it out, schedule a time to resolve your issues, preferably within 24 hours.
How do you not allow the small issues such as personal habits, neatness, and being on time from becoming big ones.
It is good that you can identify that some issues are small. On the other hand, “small issues,†i.e timeliness, are not small when you are trying to make a flight. Perhaps, state your irritations as an observation or a coaching opportunity. For example, “When we are late for a flight, I feel very frustrated!† Small issues repeated become big issues.
How do you suggest that we should deal with anger? Â For instance, when a discussion turns into an argument, and then turns into a fight with name calling, and so on?
Anger can be a reality in marriage. Consider some classes on anger management and communication on how to disagree without being disagreeable.  If your partner won’t stop arguing, you always can!
How do you change, “I’ll tell you when I’m ready to.  I don’t want to talk about it now!”?
Two tips we have learned is timeout and rain-check.  Timeout does not mean “end of game.† It does mean a minimum of 30 minutes of cool down time before you re-engage in conversation, usually before you go to sleep for the night.  A rain-check is similar, but can extend the re-engagement time to the next day or days , depending on your schedules.
When you have conflicts in your marriage, how much is okay to share with your family and friends.
Little or none! We recommend moving closer to the “none.† One of the problems is that you are more likely to share the problems rather than the resolutions. Your friends and family are left seething, and you are now moving on your happy way!  If you are seeking help, go to your pastor, mentor, a close friend, or a therapist.  Gossip is when you share the problem with someone who is not part of the problem or the solution.