Love and Marriage Q&A – Time Together

February usually is marked as a month of LOVE.  However, good marriages do not run on auto-pilot.  They require effort from both partners to keep a marriage thriving.  We will be posting a series of FAQ we have encountered through our years of counseling and speaking engagements.  If a few of these hit home with you, take action – talk about it with your spouse, and pray about it together!

How can we work out the amount of time spent together and spent apart?
One couple came to see us shortly after their marriage.   The presenting problem she brought up was, “We never have time together.”   He looked shocked and said, “We are together every day for the rest of our lives.”  Once he understood that her idea of time together was asked for – planned for – scheduled together – followed through, he was able to become proactive in “dating” his wife.   Men, our wives usually want to be pursued the rest of their lives, unlike deer hunters who get a license and then “bag them.”

If your job (I am a doctor) demands much of your time , how do you make enough quality time for your spouse?
It is important to have some quantity of time and some of that quantity should be set aside for quality.  Make sure that you set aside a “date” time every week.  During one of your dates, discuss your busy schedules and plan times you can be together.  Recognize that with your personality differences, one of you may desire and have a need for more time together.  Tell your partner what you need.  Any good management team has management meetings.  What is important is that you do not just wish for more time together, but that you plan it.  If someone is on your heart, they should show up on your calendar.

What encouragement can you offer to couples who have very busy schedules and feel they have to “steal” time in order to be together?  I’m very frustrated by this.
Not much significant happens to us that we do not schedule in advance.   The fact that you “steal” time away need not frustrate you.  Be thankful that you have a spouse that does use what time they can to be with you.
Can you re-evaluate your busy schedules?  If not, continue to “steal” time from both of your busy schedules and plan a get-away time next quarter to focus on each other.