These are uncertain times.
In order to balance PROTECTION and RELEASE,
we need WISDOM and GRACE.
In the spring, we typically go to our place in Canada and do our spring cleaning, weed the property, read, rest, and write. Sadly, because of COVID quarantine, we were unable to go to Quadra. During the spring, Marv also moved out of his Warm an’ Loving office and moved into to a home office. Fortunately, he could still counsel via FaceTime, and we could still continue our speaking on Zoom. We were looking forward to the summer on Quadra and waited for the border to open. In June, the Canadian border opened for Canadian citizens (which I am) and their spouse or minor children. We meticulously packed, prepared all of our paperwork showing we could enter with my Canadian citizenship, and made sure we were COVID-negative. We felt at peace with the decision and made the 1300 mile drive north. Just 20 miles before entering Canada there was a huge sign that said: Border Closed. A huge pit sank to the bottom of my stomach. What if we had to drive 1300 miles back home? We prayed for a kind border agent and that we would get in the right line.
When we arrived, there was only one line at the border, one border guard, and we were the only car. We had done everything that we could to be prepared and protective, and now we had to release the decision up to God. When we drove up to the border agent, he took our paperwork and looked at me and said, “Welcome home!” The relief! We proceeded to show him our 14-day quarantine plan, and we were grateful to stay on Quadra for over 2 months to do our writing and counseling. While I am so thankful, I have to admit that I needed wisdom, and I needed release because I was not in charge.
REALITY
If ever we needed wisdom and grace, 2020 would be it. Our reality is quarantine bubbles, political unrest, riots, division, safety precautions, health precautions, bullying, crisis schooling. We went from over-packing our lives to isolation. Our stress levels are high, and it is exposing existing issues that were simmering under the surface.
Outlining these realities, my intention is not to discourage you, but it is to let you know that your stress is real. There is a reason for the heaviness in your soul and for why we lash out at the ones closest to us.
How do we do this better?
RESOURCE
Evening, morning and noon
Psalm 55:17 [NIV]
I cry out in distress,
and he hears my voice.
In my distress, I have to admit, I cry out to my spouse . . . my friends . . . my therapist. Is crying out to God our first response or last resort? When we cry out to God, He hears us!
Truly he is my rock and my salvation;
Psalm 62:2 [NIV]
he is my fortress, I will never be shaken.
Our God is stable. He is a firm foundation who we can stand on. We can look to God as our resource for empathy and comfort. His living Word reminds us that we are not alone in this pandemic. He is walking with us giving wisdom through His Spirit.
REFRESH
As we live a life where risks abound, our goal as parents is for the well-being of our family. This includes the physical, emotional, and spiritual. How do we appropriately protect and release so that they live a color-filled life?
Protection. There are some very practical PPE (personal protective equipment) we can provide for our family as we armor them up for the world. Good nutrition is a building block for our health; we need to feed our body, mind, and soul. Balanced foods build immunity. Physical activity builds strength and releases energy. Mindful media intake sharpens the brain. Companionship fuels the soul and builds community. Time with the Lord feeds the spirit. Brainstorm with your family and share ideas on how you can create your own internal PPE as you protect each other!
Release. Releasing is a natural part of life. Nine months in the womb is great; ten months would have killed mother and baby. Just as pregnant moms need to release their baby, so we must release our children (through a series of stages) before we release them into adulthood. First day of preschool. Learning to ride a bike. Swimming in the deep end. First overnight camp. Moving to university. Releasing to marriage. These series of releases help build confidence in both parent and child. How can you help along the way? Provide opportunities to rehearse the behavior/skill you desire at home while allowing for failures. Teach responsibility as you talk less and listen more. What does releasing look like in a pandemic? Perhaps it is the prayerful decision to send your children to in-person school because you have to go into work. Maybe it is the decision to homeschool this year so that more time can be spent with grandparents. It could look like a socially-distanced picnic on the lawn with a few friends. It might be trusting your kids with some extra video-time with a friend to play a game or do a craft together. Or, it could be a bike ride together at a local park or trail. However, when the releasing happens, do not feel the need to compare to what other families are doing. Remember every release can be painful, but is essential for both mother and child. Every family’s consideration is different, but the end goal is the same: for the well-being of our family!
RE-DO
Be proactive about living now by making plans while looking to the future with hope. As challenges arise, look at the situation as Preservation Vs. Potential; there is a time for both.
When anxiety overwhelms you, turn your worry-prayers into prayers of hope. Express those desires to God and live in His peace knowing that He hears us.
Act out of love for your neighbors. Can we give grace to the ones who are acting out of worry and fear? Can we give grace to the ones who approach each day with a carpe diem spirit?
Even in our own family, we all don’t agree. Have you noticed among your siblings or your children that there are different responses to the same pandemic? In our own household, we have to work at getting along, working together, and treating each other with compassion. Rather than judge what everyone else is doing, let’s work on how to live with and love better the ones under our roof.