The holidays are a beautiful time for traditions, old and new. Favorite foods, holiday music, distinctive scents, and beloved decorations help us plant memories, reminisce about the past, and retell stories of faith. The winter holidays, especially, are calendar designated times we set aside to invest in building solid memories which help nurture our connections for future tomorrows.
THE MODEL
I love the passage in Joshua 4 where the Israelites use stones of remembrance to tie in the history of the Red Sea. It was a time to remember purpose, God’s faithfulness, and to impart tradition.
So Joshua called together the twelve men he had appointed from the Israelites, one from each tribe, and said to them, “Go over before the ark of the Lord your God into the middle of the Jordan. Each of you is to take up a stone on his shoulder, according to the number of the tribes of the Israelites, to serve as a sign among you. In the future, when your children ask you, ‘What do these stones mean?’ tell them that the flow of the Jordan was cut off before the ark of the covenant of the Lord. When it crossed the Jordan, the waters of the Jordan were cut off. These stones are to be a memorial to the people of Israel forever.”
He said to the Israelites, “In the future when your descendants ask their parents, ‘What do these stones mean?’ tell them, ‘Israel crossed the Jordan on dry ground.’ . . . He did this so that all the peoples of the earth might know that the hand of the Lord is powerful and so that you might always fear the Lord your God.”
Joshua 4:4-7, 21-24 [NIV]
This is a beautiful reminder of how we can create our own stones of remembrance for our family. They can be actual stones or figurative stones to remember the times of hardship, faithfulness, gratitude, or answered prayers. It is an opportunity to pass down the stories to the next generations.
THE VISION
Psalm 78 gives us the vision of why and how traditions can impact the generations.
We’ve heard true stories from our fathers about our rich heritage.
Psalm 78:3-4 [The Passion Translation]
We will continue to tell our children
and not hide from the rising generation
the great marvels of our God
his miracles and power that have brought us all this far.
When we think about building traditions, the vision is to create solid, fun family memories. It is about staying connected and creating a legacy. Tell your stories. Even when there was a harsh past, tell of how and who changed it, or empower the next generation to change it. Marv grew up with a very harsh father, but he looked to his Heavenly Father and earthly mother on how to parent. He created a new legacy for our family.
MAKING DEPOSITS
Between birth and release to adulthood, memories are made at home. We are building messages through our routines and holidays that connect us to one another. We find that the best investments in traditions are the ones where there is a message behind them.
MEMORY // MESSAGE
- Vacation // Family is a priority
- Family Night // Family is a priority
- Devotions // God is the center of our family
- Dates with Mom or Dad // I am unique; I am loved
- Birthday celebrations // Each family member is special
- Thanksgiving // Thanks for God and family
- Christmas // Celebrating Christ’s birthday
- Cooking or Baking // It smells good at home; I am nourished
- Attending Activities // My family is watching me
- Mom’s Lap, Parents’ Bed // My parents will protect me
- Room Decor // I have a special place I love to be
- Shopping // My needs are met; I am unique
Creating such memories costs time, energy, and money. If all we are doing is stuff, it is wasted time. However if there is a message behind the event, there is value. Kids will remember always or never. Plan your time so that you get the most bang for your buck. Even when you don’t do always in reality, have you done it enough times so that it feels like always as opposed to never?
INVESTMENT TIPS
Like the financial planners tell us, we want to have a diversified portfolio of investments. Here is a look at some of ideas for deposits:
VACATIONS: This is a time for family to be together and set a foundation for the rest of the year. You can camp, drive, or fly. Don’t let cost prevent you from ever going. Instead, be creative with how you can spend time together as a family.
HOLIDAY TRADITIONS: These are the high impact times to build memories and messages. Find the value you want to share for each holiday and spend some time talking about it. At Christmas, talk about Jesus’ birth and generosity. On New Year’s Day, talk about new beginnings and what it means to share hope and forgiveness. For Valentine’s Day, show love to each other through loving gestures. For Easter, talk about new life and resurrection. On Memorial Day, July 4th, and Veterans Day, share stories about veterans or friends in the military and talk about the cost of freedom. For cultural holidays, share the traditions and stories behind each celebration. Of course on Mother’s and Father’s days, appreciate parents and model how to show love to mothers, fathers, and all parental mentors.
BIRTHDAYS: This is one of the most anticipated times young children enjoy as we celebrate the individual. Celebrate not only with gifts, but also with words of affirmation. Speak hope and maturity into your sons and daughters.
MILESTONES: Whether it is a graduation, anniversary, honor, award, or completion of a goal, honor your child’s individual achievements and successes.
FAMILY NIGHTS: As you already know, we are big on family nights because it is a weekly time to say, “We are a family,” and that is important. We typically had a meal, table conversation, a (short) family devotion, simple activity, and a bedtime ritual. You don’t have to do all of that. Make it your own and unique to your family. The best place to start is what you CAN start with TODAY.
DATES: These are special opportunities to build one-on-one relationships. Dates include ones with husband/wife, Mom with one child, or Dad with one child. Think about an activity or special place that speaks to the other’s heart. You can even dream together about what the “best date ever” would look like and plan a version of it. For your 5-year-old, it might be a trip to the playground and getting ice cream before dinner. For your tween daughter, it might be a frappuccino and walk around the mall. For your teenaged son, it might be a some all-you-can-eat barbecue. Again, you don’t have to spend a lot of money. It is about spending time together.
REUNIONS: These events are typically less frequent, but nonetheless important to maintain family ties.
FUTURE DIVIDEND: LIFELONG MEMORIES
As the saying goes, the days are long, but the years are short. When you look back on 18 years of child-raising, you hope that it is filled with lifelong memories for both parents and children. You also hope that some of the traditions continue to the next generation. While there are no guarantees that family traditions continue, the dividend on investing in your child is that they grow filled with memories and you know that you did your best. There is security in the familiar, and we are gifting our children with the tools to carry on traditions (however they look) themselves.