We are all unique individuals with different needs, learning styles, and preferences. Each person in our family has specific strengths, weaknesses, talents, insecurities, and dreams. When spouses line these up next to each other, they don’t always match up in these areas (opposites do attract!). Even when characteristics do line up, we have varying history and experiences that shape our current personalities. Now, when you take husband and wife and mix in their children’s differences, there are many relationships and characteristics to work with in a 24-hour day. We all have differences, but the fact that you have differences is not as important as how you handle your differences.
Lowered Expectations
When we live with one another, we are able to see each other at our best and at our worst. Our homes are not perfect. All our needs will not be met. Siblings will fight. Spouses will argue. When we accept that this is normal, we avoid letting the conversations of, “I should . . . He should . . . She should . . ,” cause disappointment.
As we raise children, we want them to understand that God created them as unique individuals who we love unconditionally. He gifted each them with special talents for them to discover and use for His kingdom. This gifting may be similar to a sibling or parent, or may not. Joey may not be as athletic as Billy. Susie may sing better than Mary. Joey may be better in math. Susie may struggle with reading. As parents, we want to nurture our children’s talents. At the same time, we also want to make sure that they master some baseline competencies (academic, athletic, artistic, social, organizational, etc.) to make them well-rounded human beings. A strong family pulls strengths and differences together to support one another as ONE TEAM.
Thriving Moments
Be a student of your spouse and children. Observe their strengths and affirm them. If I tell Marv what a beautiful job he does in our garden, chances are he will continue doing it for our family with joy!
As you observe your children, provide opportunities of growth and discovery. Study your children’s vulnerabilities so that you can equip them. For example, if Billy keeps losing his homework, help him develop an organizing system. Where there are gaps, we need to teach our children how they can overlap and compensate. Susie may not be good at memorizing history, but because she is great with music, she can make up a song about history to help her study.
In our homes, we will frustrate each other, and we will have disagreements. However, it is important that we don’t judge each other from our own level of strength. Instead, we should serve each other from our strengths! If you enjoy cooking, bless the family with your meal preparation. If you are good with numbers and budgets, organize your family’s taxes. If you are spontaneous, surprise your kids with a trip to the zoo (and perhaps give your spouse a little break). If you are organized, prepare the packing and itinerary before a vacation. When we serve from our strengths, we have the opportunity to be a blessing with our differences.