Dear Joyce,
My 4 year old son, Daniel, was upset at me the other day and called me The Stepmom. I believe he was referring to Cinderella’s mean stepmom. Then a few days later, he called me a witch, when I asked him to do something he didn’t like (I was asking him to buckle in his car seat). I was so shocked I didn’t know what to say other than, “Wait until your father hears about this!” What type of consequence would you give for this? It’s certainly a matter of the heart.
Denise
Dear Denise,
I would say, “Daniel, you called me the stepmom. (It sounded like you meant a mean stepmom because some stepmoms are very lovely.) Then you called me a witch! I am neither a mean stepmom or a witch. I am actually a mom who loves you very much, and so I teach you and ask you to do what you need to do!  Fortunately, because I am such a special mom, you probably do not even know what you are saying.  So the rest of today, I will pretend to be “mean!â€Â When he wants some food, you say,
“Oh no, a mean step-mother or witch would never give you anything – they are too selfish. Only a kind mommy like me serves food.  Â
“I’m hungry!â€Â Â
“That’s too bad, because your kind mommy would love to get you food, but remember I am acting like what you said, and mean step mothers and witches don’t care about needs!    Â
Hopefully, he will get the picture and want his real mommy back.  Let him know that if they call you a name, you will “act†that part so that they can learn what it means and how it is hurtful.  Â
Get a book on kindness, or other related character issues to read to him when you are holding him and assuring him that you are always going to be his mom and that he is very blessed to have you. Daddy can get involved and explain to your children what a queen you are. Daniel needs to confess that what he said was very rude. I would have him come up with three kind and truthful things he could say. Give him words he could use when he does not want to do what you ask him to do.        Â
Love, Joyce