Dear Joyce,
My husband and I argue about how to raise our two children. We have disagreement in parenting styles, on consequences and most everything regarding our children.
Mary
Dear Mary,
It is very common to have different opinions on how to raise your children. You were raised in different homes with different styles so you are both comfortable with your upbringing. When parents are tired, they tend to go on auto-pilot (the way they were raised). Disagreements in parenting usually come when one of us specializes or errs on one side or the other of God’s character of justice and mercy.
Here are some recommendations:
- Respect the side of God your partner best represents. He may be the “fun loving, softer parent.’ Your child needs your firmness, with a balance of flexibility.
- Talk about it – “We are arguing a lot in front of our children. Let’s discuss this sometime when we are less angry and tired.â€
- Start with a wish list of character qualities you want to see in your children when they grow up, i.e. something you can hopefully agree about. Begin modeling those character qualities for your children – a new focus!
- Pray for each other – you will argue less often!
- Understand that principles should match, practices can vary. Work on agreeing about the big issues such as respect, obeying, . . . and apply it the way it works for you. You will be plenty busy without trying to control how your spouse applies the principles.
Love, Joyce