Dear Joyce,
I was hoping you could help me with something. Is it normal for me to REALLY dislike being a mom? I would say for the last month I have found joy difficult when it came to mothering. I do not have a job and rarely get quiet time. Usually I handle it a lot better, but lately I even have resentment towards my kids. I know this is horrible, but it is true. I feel robbed from having the life I wanted. My 3 kids are very rambunctious and full of energy. They don’t like watching TV and have strong personalities. Parks are even stressful. I take them out to do a lot of stuff during the week. Anyhow, do you have a CD/book you could recommend? Or do you feel I need to talk to a professional about this? I do not have any thought or desire to hurt them or myself, but I do want to run away!
Thanks so much for your help and advice, Carly
Dear Carly,Â
You are NOT alone in feeling this way . . . some others just may not admit it. First of all, know that you DO have a job, you may just not be getting “paid.â€Â Try to focus on the long term of what you are doing – you are impacting generations with your faithfulness – your character and your choices. Your children are still young, and if you are simply “getting through each day†you will feel like you are merely existing. In reality, moms have days when they barely survive. That’s normal. Because of the impact you are having on your children, try to focus on more than “getting through the day.â€Â Whatever you rehearse, you get better at. Instead of thinking, “What does this take from me?†focus on, “What does this give to me?â€Â
You wrote that your children have energy and have strong personalities. That can be very positive and just needs to be channeled. It is good that you take them out for activities. Continue to do that so that they get to use up some of their energy. It is good that they do not watch a lot of TV. Watching a good family movie or TV show together can be fun, however, educators recommend that you limit TV time for young children.
Please take some time to get your personal needs met – sleeping, eating good food. Do you need to lighten your schedule? Can you bring in a Mother’s helper to play with your children once a week so you can have some time alone to “refuel.â€Â A good nap, reading a chapter of a book, having an uninterrupted shower, getting some exercise can help you deal with your children in a better way. I recommend taking time for reading the Bible and having short devotions to encourage your spirit. Â
Plan a date with your spouse each week so you can look forward to that time. Â
Schedule one on one time with each child – you will see the beauty of each child rather than always dealing with them in a group. Take time nightly to tuck in each child with a book and a prayer.  See each stage as an opportunity to get connected with the children you birthed.
I would suggest that you start a family night – one evening a week that you and your husband play with your children. Pick an activity that you and they enjoy and keep it simple.Â
It is too late to decide whether you want to be a mom. You ARE a mom with the responsibility to raise your children. Don’t quit. The rewards of your faithfulness will come!!!! Your Adventure started with birthing or adopting your children. You have invested years into your children. You have already experienced joys and hurts as a mom. You have learned a lot about yourself and continue to learn about your children.  Commit yourself to continue the course and complete what you have started. In the meantime, find daily joy in the journey.
If you have a tendency in life to escape , rather you endure, you may want to look to a professional for help personally.Â
You can embrace the Olympic motto: Swiftius, Altius, Fortius (Swifter, Higher, Stronger).   The adventure of being a Mother requires all of these aspects and to run the race to the end and complete our task of being a mom is the goal.Â
Love, Joyce