[This post is Part 1 of a 2-part series on Help Me God As I Discipline.]
When we watched the Winter Olympics, it was easy to “oooh” and “aaah” at these athletes’ incredible speed, form, strength, and grace. Their talent is inspiring! They make the most difficult moves look effortless. And perhaps there is a little Olympian in each of us thinking, “I wish I could do that!”
We all know that these great athletes did not become Olympians overnight. It takes years of hard work, commitment, and a team of coaches to help athletes achieve their best. It takes COMMITMENT to wake for a 5AM workout. It takes SELF-CONTROL to choose the lean chicken and steamed veggies instead of the greasy pizza and fries. It takes DISCIPLINE to create a goal and make a plan to achieve it.
In the same way, with parenting, it takes commitment to train up a child in the way he should go. [Proverbs 22:6] We have to be intentional as we impress upon our children’s the Lord’s commandments and talk about them day and night [Deuteronomy 6:5-9]. It takes discipline to parent. We need good coaches, and we need to be a good coach.
What’s The Hurt?
It helps to understand some of our personal frustrations when it comes to dealing with discipline and guiding our children. What are some of the big issues that prevent us from being a good coach?
- Experiencing that discipline philosophies bring up strong opinions & strong disagreements with spouses, parents & friends
- Not knowing how to handle many issues that come up with our child
- Feeling confused as to what method works with our children with their unique personalities
- Children not understanding the need for discipline
- Having a child who does not listen
- Feeling like our family life is out of control
- Having to constantly repeat
- Children being disrespectful
What’s the Help?
Connection | Trust | Authority – A connected child is more easily disciplined. When needs are met by fulfillment, a parent and child are connected. Bonds that develop during the 0-9 months stage help lay a foundation of trust and authority. When you respond to your child’s needs, you are building trust. When you connect, then you can direct. Connecting is coming along-side your child (rather than ‘at’ your child). Even as children get older, you can build trust by having some special one-on-one time with them. Remember that older kids still have a need for your attention and nurturing. Trust comes before obedience, and respect is based on trust. Recognize that you are an authority in your home, and being a “servant of God” as you serve your children helps to establish your authority as God designed.
Making It Practical
Here are a few questions to think about and discuss with your spouse during your next “coaches meeting”:
- Growing up, who did you “listen to” and “why”?
- What are you doing now that is similar from how you were raised?
- What are you doing now that is different from how you were raised?
- What can we do this week to connect (or re-connect) with our child?