At one point or another, every family experiences a confrontation of the wills. You may experience it daily with your bright and precocious child who tries to run your family and demands attention. Your preschooler may speak with authority, even if they are wrong. Your 10-year old may argue with you about most everything. Or your easy-going, bubbly child may ask for just one more hug, one more kiss, one more drink of water, . . . to delay bedtime. There is no getting around the fact that children will express their will.
The battle of the wills is frustrating and exhausting for parents of strong-willed children. We are criticized by others and blame ourselves. Here are some insights that help us to shape our kids and mold their character:
- Be firm early. Have a plan for consequences before confrontations happen. This helps to curb the emotional blow-ups when the battles begin.
- Pick issues carefully. Decide which issues are the BIG ones, and make sure you win on those. Remain calm, but put the microscope on the right issues (character, respect, obedience, etc).
- Allow for leadership and choices. Those with strong-wills have opportunity to be great leaders! Allow them to take more responsibility for things. Teach them that good leaders are encouraging and recognize the talents of others.
- Reinforce their belonging. Separate who they are, from what they do. Have one-on-one time with your child to remind you and him that you are on the same team.
- Teach that God is the Highest Power! Just as children have to submit to authority, explain that Mom & Dad must to submit to their authorities. We are all under the umbrella authority of God, and our faith in God gives us the freedom to make choices that honor one another.
- Recognize the difference between personality and roles. Don’t be “popular” with your child, be a parent. Try not to take all of their provocations too seriously. Parenting requires tough choices. It is more important to be The Parent, than to be The Friend.
- Keep perspective. Verbalize the positive and let your children hear you have hope for them. Verbalize their improvements. Pray your dreams for them, not your fears.