What are some of the basic rules we teach our young children?
In Robert Fulghum’s, All I Really Need To Know I Learned In Kindergarten, he describes some fundamental life lessons that can be applied to children, teens, adults, families, companies, and governments.
Share everything.
All I Really Need To Know I Learned In Kindergarten
Play fair.
Don’t hit people.
Put things back where you found them.
Clean up your own mess.
Don’t take things that aren’t yours.
Say you’re sorry when you hurt somebody.
Wash your hands before you eat.
Flush.
Warm cookies and cold milk are good for you.
Live a balanced life – learn some and think some
and draw and paint and sing and dance and play
and work every day some.
Take a nap every afternoon.
When you go out into the world, watch out for traffic,
hold hands, and stick together.
Robert Fulghum
From our adult perspective, these rules are so simple and so profound. When we obey them, life is good. These little rules or life lessons impress the importance of learning obedience. They help understand respect for yourself and others. Obedience teaches responsibility, responsiveness to others, and cooperation. It is a training in self-discipline.
In Deuteronomy, God gives us such wisdom on obedience and consequences. God says the same thing over and over:
He is faithful. Love Him. Obey Him. And it will go well with you.
Know therefore that the Lord your God is God; he is the faithful God, keeping his covenant of love to a thousand generations of those who love him and keep his commandments.
Deuteronomy 7:9 [NIV]
Keeping Commandments
Obedience is not easy. Mistakes are inevitable. The good news is that good discipline does not have to be complicated when it is well organized, well explained, and carried through. Effective discipline involves both modeling (lifestyle) and mentoring (training) of commands and consequences.
What is the purpose of a command? SURVIVAL and SUCCESS of both the child and parent!
Characteristics of a Command:
- Simple (not complicated) – think in short bullet points not paragraphs
- Specific (well explained) – be clear on expectations
- Serious (carried through) – stop talking and start acting
Homes are meant to be pleasant and a learning lab for life. So when you prohibit, make sure you also provide.
What is the purpose of a consequence? ENCOURAGE GOOD behavior and STOP BAD behavior.
Characteristics of a Consequence:
- Logical – when you abuse, you lose.
- Person & Age Appropriate – study each child.
Make the consequence correlate with the crime. “Give me your phone,” has become the go-to consequence for teens. While every infraction feels like it is related to that hand-held device, make sure that your consequence makes sense.
Parents have the responsibility to make commands and consequences. Your child has the freedom of choice of their own behaviors, not the commands or consequences. A habit of following through after giving a command needs to be built. It is never too late to stop something bad and start something good. Pause. Reset. Reboot. Who you are becoming matters more than yesterday’s mistakes.