How do you split holidays between families? Â How do you start telling your parents that you want to have holidays with your own family (wife and kids), alone, sometimes?
First, come to agreement as a couple.  Then, both of you meet with each parent.  It is best if the one presenting the decision is the child of that parent.  That way parents deal with both of you and can’t blame the other spouse for “ruining our family.”
How do you deal with a controlling, nosey mother?
You cannot change your mother, but you can change your responses.   Listen to your mom’s words and perhaps respond with, “Thanks for sharing. Joe and I have decided to . . .â€Â You cannot change your mom’s attempt to control you, however, you can choose respond differently. It will help if you and your future husband discuss the issue and make a decision. You will need to simply state that decision to your mom. Make sure you do the talking since she will see your husband as an intruder, i.e. “Becky was so perfect until she met Joe!† If she is prying in personal business, simply state:  “Mom, I know you are concerned, and that is something we have decided not to share with anyone.â€
My marriage partner is my business partner. Sometimes I feel guilty if I don’t like to do the things my partner wants to do on a particular day, for example, go out to the movies after work.  Do you have any suggestions?
Couples who work together have said how important it is to “quit work†and just be a couple.  Leaving the office – be it actual or virtual – is essential for both of you.  Sounds like you have different ideas about being off work.  One may go out and play while the other wants to go home and relax.  Work it out so both can experience the time off.  Vary your evening’s activities.
We hear words like, independence, dependent, and co-dependent. Â What is meant by these terms and explain what a healthy marriage should strive for?
As a child growing up, it is okay to be dependent on your parents for the basics of life and direction. Â When you are able to fully support yourself, you become independent of them. Â The next step is to find a partner that you can be inter-dependent with; mutually beneficially giving and receiving. Â The only relationship that is appropriate for an adult to be dependent in is with the Lord. Â Dependency and co-dependency in adult relationships is when I have to have you, and I have to have you need me.
This is our second marriage. Â Â Between us we have four children. Â Any suggestions?
It is important to address why your first marriages failed. Have you worked on correcting your issues that contributed to the breakup, and have you individually healed from the wounds? It is important to change yourself, not just change partners. Realize that bringing two families together is difficult. Make sure you discuss how you are going to discipline his/hers/yours before you get married. This will be further complicated when the former partner is still in the parenting picture. We would recommend getting counsel and perhaps asking for a mentor couple that has walked this road before.
This is the last post in our Love & Marriage series. If you have any other questions you’d like to address, leave us a comment below!