How do we raise a confident child? One who has the courage to stand up for what they believe? One who will try new things? One who will face their fears? It is hard to give your child a sense of security when you feel insecure yourself. As parents, one of our goals is to give your children a glimpse of security so that they will learn to put their security in God, who is always there.
Building Security in Ourselves
The best safeguard for the younger generation is a good example by the older generation. Before building security in your child, we need to look at how to define our own security as a person, partner, and parent. As an individual, we need to accept God’s unconditional love for us. Our God is our helper and our comfort. He hears our cry and is gracious when we need help. Nothing will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord. [Romans 8:39]  Secondly, we recognize that we need to take care of our needs. Do you have certain survival-musts? Exercise, quiet time, connecting with a friend, a cup of coffee with today’s newspaper? We need to refuel so that we have something left to give.
When we come with our wellness, we can then share our resources to BLESS our spouse. We can draw on our spouse for our needs, and in turn, use our strengths to support one another. Once there are two healthy, cared for lovers, they can love their child as they have loved. This is not to say that this will all be easy. But rather, it is an opportunity to examine inward, identify our own insecurities, and work on them so that we don’t pass them along.
Making Our Children Feel Secure
There are four components of security:
- Belonging – There is security knowing someone is there for me; building trust.
- Being Disciplined – There is security knowing that someone loves me enough to set boundaries; setting limits & following through.
- Having Rituals – There is security in living in a predictable home; nap routine, nighttime rituals, mealtimes, chores, family night, etc.
- Experiencing Traditions – There is security in seeing a connection between the past and the present; holidays, birthdays, vacations.
The key to these is consistency. Same people, same rules, same schedule, same memories. Consistency doesn’t mean being rigid, but rather, being strong and flexible.
Raising A Child With Courage
What is a courageous child?
- One who is secure in relationships and working with others
- One who is knowledgeable about truths (knowing right & wrong)
- One who feels some sense of competency
- One who can be encouraged by his effort, not just for performance (courage to try new things without the expectation of perfection)
Making it Practical:Â What can I reinforce in my child so they grow up feeling secure?