Happy New Year! What???? It’s not January, but for those of us with children, I always felt that autumn was the beginning of a new year – a new school year. We get a bit of a restart every fall with new teachers, new school supplies, and new schedules. I am praying that for most of you, this will be a nice restart for a good, new year after experiencing a tough 18 months!
During our lock-downs and quarantines at home, Marv started to notice how many families started to fix their homes. We, ourselves, had to move our office so there was painting and moving of furniture. We had to make adjustments to turn part of our home into Marv’s office. Our neighbors also painted, renovated, and built fences. Everyone had moved home, and they started to notice the things that needed fixing. There was a lot of home improvement going on.
With dads making an office at home, moms working from home, and all the kids doing school at home, I’m sure that it didn’t take long to notice some of the emotional home improvements needed. We could ignore our family issues when we were busy running around. However, COVID brought them all to the forefront. Now that we are starting to get busy again, can we remember the issues and lessons learned so that they don’t get lost in our busyness this year? It’s not about our living arrangement, but rather, how we are arranging our living. In this parenting series, we want to talk about HOME IMPROVEMENT. Our hope is that we don’t just make external improvements (new paint, decorations, renovations, landscaping), but that we look at the issues that were revealed during COVID and relearn how to live our values at home.
It is not about your living arrangement, but rather, how you are arranging your living.
Marv Warman
ARCHITECT’S DESIGN
So what is the plan for our home improvement? I am so grateful that we have God as our wise architect.
It takes wisdom to build a house,
Proverbs 24:3-4 [The Message]
and understanding to set it on a firm foundation;
It takes knowledge to furnish its rooms
with fine furniture and beautiful draperies.
God’s blueprint for our lives has been revealed through the Bible. In the scripture from Proverbs 24, there are 3 key words here: wisdom, understanding, knowledge. Wisdom is seeing God’s perspective from the architect’s design. Knowledge is the accumulation of facts, or getting tools. Marv likes to explain it as filling his toolbox with a hammer, screwdriver, pliers, wrench, drill. Understanding is the wise use of the tools. A screwdriver isn’t the best tool to use to nail a picture in the wall. Rather, a hammer would be more effective! Our plan is to gain parenting wisdom from a biblical perspective.
REINFORCING THE FOUNDATION
Every home needs a solid foundation to stand firm. Our homes need to withstand the storms of stress, finance, illness, conflict, misunderstandings, and hurts. Marv and I wanted to base our foundation on biblical values and build a foundation whose architect and builder is God!
Every house is built by someone, but God is the Designer and Builder of all things.
Hebrews 3:4 [The Passion Translation]
In our family, we are the general contractors and will often subcontract to schools, coaches, youth groups for specialized areas of experience or expertise. We create and build our home, but God is our primary builder and designer. When it comes to parenting, we are going to be looking at building character, building relationships, reinforcing values, and strengthening marriage.
THE PLAN
When you know the WHO, you have the WHY for WHAT you do.
Marv Warman
Forty-some years ago, I said to Marv, “I feel like our lives are so chaotic!” We had our three daughters busy in school and music. Our family was a singing group and frequently traveled. Marv and I had our respective work, counseling/pastoring and teaching music. Marv shared, “We’ve got to have a plan.” We were eating in a restaurant, and he quickly sketched out this simple circle diagram.
We reflected on what was important to us and started filling it in from the inside out. For us, God was in the center. He is our source of strength and wisdom fill us up when we are exhausted. In the next ring, we prioritized our marriage, so we put in our names. We felt our lives were healthier, when the two of us were in the 2nd inner circle. This wasn’t necessarily where we spent the most time, but living from the inside out, it was where we wanted to put our priorities. The third ring was filled with our daughters, Michelle, Marci, and Maria. The outer most circle for us was our work, speaking/teaching, and extended family.
Our circle of priorities has been updated over the years. Below, you will see that we still keep God in the center and Marv and Joyce are in the 2nd ring. With our growing family, the third circle includes our daughters, their spouses, and our grandchildren. There was a time when my aging parents were in circle three, and they needed more attention than my girls. So names and activities do move around for different seasons.
What did we learn? We shouldn’t let the outer ring sabotage the wellness of the inner rings. To rephrase Matthew 6:33: Seek first his kingdom and his righteousness [by keeping God in your center], and all these [outer rings] will be given to you as well. For Marv and I, this made sense. I found that if I didn’t take the time to recharge spiritually or deal with my emotional hang-ups, it affected every other circle. We wanted to live with our center filled with Jesus Christ who loves us anyway and fills us up to radiate out.
As you do many parenting tasks, take time to enjoy the valuable relationships in your circles, but realize that other chores have a tendency to take over and crowd out real PRIORITIES. Before you begin a task, ask yourself:
How important is this?
For whom am I doing the task?
Should someone be helping me?
Does it need to be done right away?
Don’t pursue all the options, pursue the core values. Whatever is your center will be your controlling influence. You can be free from living under outside pressures.
HOME INSPECTION
Take some time for reflection and restore your priorities:
- What did you discover about yourself, your marriage, your family during COVID?
- What needs RESTORATION? RENOVATION? REDECORATING?
Getting back to the original blueprint, the Bible offers us encouragement!
Unless the Lord builds the house,
Psalm 127:1-2 [New International Version]
the builders labor in vain.
Unless the Lord watches over the city,
the guards stand watch in vain.
In vain you rise early
and stay up late,
toiling for food to eat—
for he grants sleep to those he loves.
God wants to impart his peace [Psalm 127:1-2] and be our refuge [Deuteronomy 33:27] Live where you are. Make the most of what you have. Dream and plan for the future. Our eternal God will never leave; He is our hope and strength.