{"id":253,"date":"2012-03-05T09:00:49","date_gmt":"2012-03-05T17:00:49","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/warmanloving.org\/site\/?p=253"},"modified":"2013-01-30T13:50:04","modified_gmt":"2013-01-30T21:50:04","slug":"love-marriage-qa-hard-times","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/warmanloving.org\/site\/love-marriage-qa-hard-times\/","title":{"rendered":"Love &#038; Marriage Q&#038;A &#8211; Hard Times"},"content":{"rendered":"<p style=\"text-align: left;\"><strong><a href=\"http:\/\/warmanloving.org\/site\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/01\/20120305-Post.jpg\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"aligncenter  wp-image-262\" title=\"20120305 Post\" src=\"http:\/\/warmanloving.org\/site\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/01\/20120305-Post.jpg\" alt=\"Love and Marriage\" width=\"441\" height=\"296\" srcset=\"https:\/\/warmanloving.org\/site\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/01\/20120305-Post.jpg 551w, https:\/\/warmanloving.org\/site\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/01\/20120305-Post-300x201.jpg 300w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 441px) 100vw, 441px\" \/><\/a>Whenever we have an argument, my partner threatens leaving. \u00c2\u00a0Later when we make up, she says she didn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t mean it. \u00c2\u00a0I am still hurt by her comments.<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><em>Words that threaten the relationship penetrate deep into the soul of the one hearing those words. \u00c2\u00a0She may be sorry later that she \u00e2\u20ac\u0153pulled the trigger,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d but you are left with a deep wound and doubts. \u00c2\u00a0Perhaps your partner is one who processes verbally, spouts off freely, and regrets it later. \u00c2\u00a0She needs to learn self-control to not say everything that pops into her head, and you need to learn to not store her verbage in your soul.\u00c2\u00a0 Because of your different personality types, you may think through every word you say and presume that your spouse is equally as thoughtful. \u00c2\u00a0\u00c2\u00a0The strength of her personality type is that you never have to wonder what she is thinking. \u00c2\u00a0The weakness is that she says more than she means \u00e2\u20ac\u201c so don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t take every word she says as seriously as the words you would say, which are highly processed.<\/em><\/p>\n<p><strong>How do you avoid going to bed angry?<\/strong><br \/>\n<em>Stay up late! \u00c2\u00a0Be willing to verbalize your hurts. \u00c2\u00a0If one of you is too tired to work it out, schedule a time to resolve your issues, preferably within 24 hours.<\/em><\/p>\n<p><strong>How do you not allow the small issues such as personal habits, neatness, and being on time from becoming big ones.<\/strong><br \/>\n<em>It is good that you can identify that some issues are small.\u00c2\u00a0 On the other hand, \u00e2\u20ac\u0153small issues,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d i.e timeliness, are not small when you are trying to make a flight.\u00c2\u00a0 Perhaps, state your irritations as an observation or a coaching opportunity.\u00c2\u00a0 For example, \u00e2\u20ac\u0153When we are late for a flight, I feel very frustrated!\u00e2\u20ac\u009d \u00c2\u00a0Small issues repeated become big issues.<\/em><\/p>\n<p><strong>How do you suggest that we should deal with anger? \u00c2\u00a0For instance, when a discussion turns into an argument, and then turns into a fight with name calling, and so on?<\/strong><br \/>\n<em>Anger can be a reality in marriage.\u00c2\u00a0 Consider some classes on anger management and communication on how to disagree without being disagreeable. \u00c2\u00a0If your partner won\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t stop arguing, you always can!<\/em><\/p>\n<p><strong>How do you change, \u00e2\u20ac\u0153I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ll tell you when I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m ready to. \u00c2\u00a0I don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t want to talk about it now!&#8221;?<\/strong><br \/>\n<em>Two tips we have learned is timeout and rain-check. \u00c2\u00a0Timeout does not mean \u00e2\u20ac\u0153end of game.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d \u00c2\u00a0It does mean a minimum of 30 minutes of cool down time before you re-engage in conversation, usually before you go to sleep for the night. \u00c2\u00a0A rain-check is similar, but can extend the re-engagement time to the next day or days , depending on your schedules.<\/em><\/p>\n<p><strong>When you have conflicts in your marriage, how much is okay to share with your family and friends.<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><em>Little or none!\u00c2\u00a0 We recommend moving closer to the \u00e2\u20ac\u0153none.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d \u00c2\u00a0One of the problems is that you are more likely to share the problems rather than the resolutions.\u00c2\u00a0 Your friends and family are left seething, and you are now moving on your happy way! \u00c2\u00a0If you are seeking help, go to your pastor, mentor, a close friend, or a therapist. \u00c2\u00a0Gossip is when you share the problem with someone who is not part of the problem or the solution.<\/em><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Whenever we have an argument, my partner threatens leaving. \u00c2\u00a0Later when we make up, she says she didn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t mean it. \u00c2\u00a0I am still hurt by her comments. Words that threaten the relationship penetrate deep into the soul of the one hearing those words. \u00c2\u00a0She may be sorry later that she \u00e2\u20ac\u0153pulled the trigger,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d but you are left with a deep wound and doubts. \u00c2\u00a0Perhaps your partner is one who processes&hellip; <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":263,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[8,17],"tags":[21],"class_list":["post-253","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-marriage","category-relationships","tag-marriage-2"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v26.5 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>Love &amp; Marriage Q&amp;A - Hard Times - Warm an&#039; Loving Ministries<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Warm an\u2019 Loving is a non-profit counseling and training center dedicated to helping heal individuals, couples, and families through professional counseling and seminars.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/warmanloving.org\/site\/love-marriage-qa-hard-times\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Love &amp; 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